grief, Uncategorized

A Time to Mourn

My life has forever changed. Tom, my wonderful husband and best friend, died on January 16, 2026. It’s really difficult to write those words. Honestly, I can barely put my thoughts together to write something. I have not written a blog for almost a year, and I was not writing much once Tom got worse a few years ago. I’m a little rusty.

To those of you who prayed for Tom over these last five years, thank you. I am so grateful for the many prayers and concern over Tom’s health. We felt every prayer. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

My world has been turned upside down. I’m navigating new waters with the Lord. I take it one day at a time. This is the greatest loss of my life. I have to rely on God for everything, and He is faithful to me. Thank you again for your support.

Here is what I shared at Tom’s memorial. It’s all a blur, but this just scratches the surface of my heart:

For the past thirty years I have been very blessed to be married to Tom. God brought us together and used my husband to change my life. I am the person I am today because of Tom. He brought out the best in me and I’d like to think I brought out the best in him. That’s how marriage is supposed to work. We took our marriage seriously and stuck together no matter what, by God’s grace. We genuinely loved each other and enjoyed each other’s company and have so many happy memories together. He was a wonderful husband.

He was the best dad to our boys. He made everything fun for them. A simple trip to the store was turned into an adventure. Tom also disciplined them, and never let them show me disrespect. He was in awe of them and loved them deeply, sacrificially. He was so good about helping them through their problems. Tom was a great example of how to be a Godly man and lead our family. 

Tom was incredibly handy and if he didn’t know how to do something he’d usually get a book and figure it out. He’d often say, “It’s not rocket science, it’s not brain surgery,”. I saw my husband do so many crazy things like set a trap for a raccoon that was in our attic and then he blared music all day to scare the thing out and it worked. He took down several large trees over the different homes we owned, pulling down massive branches. When our sewer line busted in our backyard, Tom was in the backyard digging to find the line and repair it himself. Thank God I convinced him to have a plumber do the repair for that. He’d always come up with creative ways to fix things. He loved the challenge. 

Tom had a great sense of humor. Very sarcastic and dry. He loved those cheesy dad jokes. We laughed a lot which can really help get you through hard times. We were even laughing at our last ER trip since we were stuck in a hallway on a gurney at 2:00 in the morning. Even then he put me first and let me lay on the gurney because I was falling asleep. Truly humble until the end. 

Tom was a fighter. He never stopped fighting for his life because he loved us so much. He didn’t complain, he just took the pain, or diagnosis, or whatever terrible thing was thrown at him. He just kept going. He’s the most determined person I’ve ever known. Tom started dialysis just over a year ago. A typical dialysis day for him went like this: he’d leave our house around noon and start dialysis by one which takes about 4 ½ hours total. (If you don’t know anything about dialysis, you’re hooked up to a machine that slowly removes all of your blood, cleans it, and puts it back in your body. It’s very hard on your body and causes extreme fatigue.) After dialysis he’d go straight to work and then get home around 7:00 AM. Tom would push through and go and go and go.

Tom’s life ended on a high note. Tom trusted God. He was hopeful. He was back in school pursuing his Masters in American Military History, which he was enjoying. He believed the Lord would heal him, and He did, just not the way we wanted. In God’s great mercy He took Tom home. I wanted another 30 years together, but God set Tom free. That gives me peace knowing Tom is no longer suffering and fighting for his life. 

We were one flesh just as God designed marriage. If Tom was hurting I was hurting, and the same went for me. The day Tom left this earth half of me was torn away, the best half. But death is not the end.

The infamous 19th century evangelist D.L. Moody is quoted as saying, “Some day you will read in the papers that D. L. Moody of East Northfield, is dead. Don’t you believe a word of it! At that moment I shall be more alive than I am now”.

Tom is alive with Jesus. His time on this earth is over but he is more alive than ever. That is the hope that every Christian has. 

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, Hebrews 6:19

God promises us eternal life for those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ.

And this is the promise that He Himself made to us: eternal life. 1 John 2:25

Tom was a very special person that I got the privilege to share 30 years of my life with. I’ll never be the same and I’ll love him forever and I’ll miss him until we meet again. Tom is in the best place he could be, Heaven, with Jesus for all of eternity.

Well done Tom, good and faithful servant.

 See you soon. I love you.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying: “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God Himself will be with them as their God.

‘He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,’ and there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the former things have passed away.”

And the One seated on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” Then He said, “Write this down, for these words are faithful and true.”

Revelation 21:3-5

grief

No Fear of Death

A friendly woman smiled as I sat down next to her during church one Sunday several years ago. By the following week we were chummy and soon became friends. I noticed her fingers were bent up and she wore braces on her hands. It was from rheumatoid arthritis. Past surgeries where her bones were broken and reset were only temporary fixes, yet Hawah soldiered on.

She never complained, though she was in constant pain. Hawah would laugh about having her husband help her with her shoes or necklace, though she was always put together beautifully with matching hand bags, and jewelry. Her infectious smile was her most stunning accessory.

Beautiful, kind, strong, fun-loving, and easy going, are just a few of the many words to describe my friend, Hawah. She came to the United States from Sierra Leone as a teenager over forty years ago. This lovely faith-filled woman had a good life in America with her loving husband and two kids. Life was not always easy for Hawah especially when she battled colon cancer, though she came out on the other side victorious. Hawah’s physical pain and suffering never took away from her deep love of God.

I would think of Hawah when I was facing a challenge in my own life. What would Hawah do? She’d press on and not complain. I have no doubt she had hard days like all of us, but I never saw that side. I saw resilience, determination, and joy. These traits were called upon when the cancer came back with a vengeance as it spread through many parts of her body.

This warrior had a short battle with cancer that she could not win. She was not supposed to win this one. Hawah passed away in her sleep Monday night this last week. Hawah was not afraid to die. Why? Because she knew where she was going. She is now home with Jesus. No more pain. No more radiation. No more stinking cancer. She is free.

As Christians we say, “She went home to be with the Lord“. If you are not a Christian that may sound weird. Home for the Christian is Heaven. “But our citizenship is in heaven, and we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ,” Philippians 3:20, BSB.

Home is not here on Earth. This is all temporary for everyone. We will all die. That’s the only way out of this place. This is all part of God’s plan for humanity. But Heaven is only for those who have placed their faith in Jesus Christ.

There are two things you can count on in life, death and taxes. We can thank Benjamin Franklin for such wisdom. I would argue that taxes can be avoided, though with penalties like prison, but death cannot be avoided for any of us. Are you afraid to die? Do you know where you are going when death comes? You don’t have to be afraid. Like my friend Hawah, you can have peace. Jesus is the only way to the Father. Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me, John 14:6, BSB.

Hawah had no fear of death. She is now home with the Lord. Hallelujah! See you soon my friend.

We are confident, then, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8

Love you all,

Meghan

Photo credit: Meghan E. White

Faith, grief, Trials, Uncategorized

I Hate Goodbyes

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The last day of 2019 was Mom’s last day on Earth. Even though we knew it was coming, it still really hurts. No matter what, you’re just not ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t, that’s for sure. Selfishly, I wanted more time. Come on Lord, give her a few more years. Then I don’t have to deal with that pain quite yet. Yet, here I am grieving. Not ready for it. Who is ever prepared to grieve?

I have peace. That’s the funny part. I have complete peace of where my mom is, heaven. Mom loved Jesus and knew Him as her Savior and Lord. She is not suffering anymore. That makes me so happy! Mom spent most of her life sick. She is now free of all pain and suffering. She wasn’t big on complaining, so most people would never know just how much illness and disease she dealt with. And, she always looked incredible, not like a sick person.

If I had my way, we would skip off to eternity together, holding hands. Young and old. No one would leave this earth until we all went home to Jesus, together. That’s not how it works. We were made for heaven. This is just the temporary part. We can easily lose sight of that and think that this life is it. When our loved ones die, it is a reminder that there’s more. We miss them, long to be where they are.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20 

It’s bittersweet. Mom is gone, and I will always miss her terribly. But, she is rejoicing with Jesus, with a new disease free body. No pain. No sorrow. No sin. No evil. And Jesus is there, waiting for all of us who said yes to Him.

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? John 14:2

So Mom, I love you and miss you, but I’m happy for you. The life you lived was filled with many struggles, but many triumphs as well. The glass was half full to you. There was always a fight in you. Resilience was your middle name. God knew you needed that quality, and it served you well. I hope I picked up a tiny bit of that fighting spirit.

When Mom was down to her final moments I asked her husband to hold the phone to her ear. I felt so strongly I needed to say goodbye. I can’t explain it, just a strong feeling that I needed to do this. I love you. I pray for peace. Goodbye Mom. She didn’t respond. No movement. Her eyes were shut. I believe she heard me. Minutes later she passed away.

We are now preparing for Mom’s memorial. Though difficult, it’s a blessing too. So many loved my mom. She touched many lives in her 76 years. Well done Mom. You did it. Now dance with Jesus.

I won’t say goodbye. See you soon Mom! I love you.

 

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The beginning for Mom and me. She was pregnant with me in this picture.

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This picture was taken at least 25 years ago and how I see her. Healthy and beautiful.

Dorothea Louise 

October 19, 1943 ~ December 31, 2019

Love you Mom ❤