Faith, grief, Trials, Uncategorized

I Hate Goodbyes

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The last day of 2019 was Mom’s last day on Earth. Even though we knew it was coming, it still really hurts. No matter what, you’re just not ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t, that’s for sure. Selfishly, I wanted more time. Come on Lord, give her a few more years. Then I don’t have to deal with that pain quite yet. Yet, here I am grieving. Not ready for it. Who is ever prepared to grieve?

I have peace. That’s the funny part. I have complete peace of where my mom is, heaven. Mom loved Jesus and knew Him as her Savior and Lord. She is not suffering anymore. That makes me so happy! Mom spent most of her life sick. She is now free of all pain and suffering. She wasn’t big on complaining, so most people would never know just how much illness and disease she dealt with. And, she always looked incredible, not like a sick person.

If I had my way, we would skip off to eternity together, holding hands. Young and old. No one would leave this earth until we all went home to Jesus, together. That’s not how it works. We were made for heaven. This is just the temporary part. We can easily lose sight of that and think that this life is it. When our loved ones die, it is a reminder that there’s more. We miss them, long to be where they are.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20 

It’s bittersweet. Mom is gone, and I will always miss her terribly. But, she is rejoicing with Jesus, with a new disease free body. No pain. No sorrow. No sin. No evil. And Jesus is there, waiting for all of us who said yes to Him.

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? John 14:2

So Mom, I love you and miss you, but I’m happy for you. The life you lived was filled with many struggles, but many triumphs as well. The glass was half full to you. There was always a fight in you. Resilience was your middle name. God knew you needed that quality, and it served you well. I hope I picked up a tiny bit of that fighting spirit.

When Mom was down to her final moments I asked her husband to hold the phone to her ear. I felt so strongly I needed to say goodbye. I can’t explain it, just a strong feeling that I needed to do this. I love you. I pray for peace. Goodbye Mom. She didn’t respond. No movement. Her eyes were shut. I believe she heard me. Minutes later she passed away.

We are now preparing for Mom’s memorial. Though difficult, it’s a blessing too. So many loved my mom. She touched many lives in her 76 years. Well done Mom. You did it. Now dance with Jesus.

I won’t say goodbye. See you soon Mom! I love you.

 

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The beginning for Mom and me. She was pregnant with me in this picture.

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This picture was taken at least 25 years ago and how I see her. Healthy and beautiful.

Dorothea Louise 

October 19, 1943 ~ December 31, 2019

Love you Mom ❤

Bible, Faith, Family, Uncategorized

For My Mom

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“I begin to love this little creature, and to anticipate his birth as a fresh twist to a knot, which I do not wish to untie.”

Mary Wollstonecraft  

(1759-1797) English Writer

 

A mother’s love is unending. It begins in the womb, with the anticipation of a new life growing inside. Excitement, and fear at times too, as a baby develops in a mother’s body. Mother’s feel the great responsibility to care for the fragile little life on board. Taking vitamins, going to the doctor for checkups, and dealing with morning sickness, stretch marks, weight gain, swelling ankles, and countless trips to the restroom are just a few of the sacrifices mother’s make for our precious babies. “It’s worth it” we are told. Our hearts grow as the baby grows. It’s all part of God’s plan. Mother’s already love our babies before we see them.

I know a very special mother that I call “Mom”. My mom is the best mother. There I said it. I feel better now. Sorry to all the other mom’s out there. The best mom role is taken. Let me tell you a little about this very special woman. Dorothea Louise Tanyer was born in Jeanette, Pennsylvania a few years back. OK, more than a few, but that’s beside the point. She grew up with both of her parents working. It was uncommon to have a mother work outside of the home back in the day, and my mom was left on her own a lot. Little Dorothea had to get herself ready for school and pack her own lunch at six years old. This would set her up to be strong, and face adversity with courage.

Her family called her “Peaches” because of her beautiful skin, which she still has. Seriously, the woman has the most gorgeous skin. No wrinkles! Pretty incredible for a woman in her seventies. Oops! I gave away her age. My mom always looks beautiful and put together. Even when we were little, and she would wear curlers out in public (the horror!), she looked great. Oh, and she loves hats. She wore many a hat on Easter, or Mother’s Day, or Saturday. And she looks great in them. I would look like a fool in a hat. She has the class to wear them.

Mom always made dinner every night for all seven of us. We sat down together as a family with Mom’s great home cooked meals. Many times she was working a full-time job as well. I have no idea how she accomplished this every day. God gave Dot (that’s what most people call her) an extra dose of energy. He knew she would need it to handle five children and a demanding husband. (You can read about my dad here I love you Dad! )  Mom is very organized. I remember coming home from elementary school, and in the kitchen there were little bags with our names on them containing after school snacks. That is some serious planning right there.

When we had horses and farm animals Mom would give them their shots. She would have made a great veterinarian. If we found stray dogs and cats, Mom took them in. Sometimes people we knew needed help, Mom helped them too. Her heart is as big as her non-stop energy. Like a lot of mother’s, Mom wore a lot of hats. Taxi driver, chef, counselor, cheerleader, doctor, nurse, horse trainer, vet, maid, disciplinarian. I can see the wooden spoon now. I don’t recall getting spanked, but I’m pretty sure one of my brothers felt the end of that spoon a few times.

Dancing is something she has loved since her childhood. Mom tap danced in her 30’s and 40’s with a few other ladies her age. They would perform around Riverside County in Southern California. I watched many of my mom’s performances as a little girl, always impressed with the colorful costumes. Not long before her tap dance years, she was diagnosed with sarcoidosis, an autoimmune disease. Most of her lungs are covered in this awful disease which makes it hard to breathe. This never stopped my mom. She danced, took care of five rambunctious children, and my alcoholic father, and took care of horses, and all our many animals, and worked, and helped a whole lot of people along the way.

Mom loves singing and has been part of several church choirs over the years. She loves playing games, especially card games. She is a talented artist who can draw and paint very well. Mom loves to decorate. Many times we would come home from school and the living room would be completely rearranged, or painted, or wallpapered, depending on her mood. There are so many things to tell you about my mom, but there’s not enough time to cover it all. She’s kind of a go-getter, jack of all trades type of lady.

I came to Christ because my mom did first. Actually, my whole family came to know Jesus as savior because Mom led the way. I shared this story in my post My Bible. I can vividly see my mom diligently reading her Bible. She was part of an evangelism team at our church where they would go door to door sharing the Good News. I would get so embarrassed when her gospel music was blaring in the car if she was picking up me and my friends. I was an immature junior higher. Now I get it. Mom was excited about Jesus, and she still is.

Mom lost two babies before I was born. One was a miscarriage, and the other a stillborn. Her baby boy was named Patrick. Mom will meet both babies in heaven. I share this not to make anyone sad; Just to show some of the difficulties my mom has faced with dignity. Mom’s a fighter. She’s had to be her whole life. Right now, she is fighting lung cancer. Her attitude is positive. Mom has a strong faith, and trusts God. She is resilient. Mom has faced many, many difficulties in her life, yet she gets up. She keeps going. She looks to Jesus. I admire her strength and her fight. I hope I’ve inherited some of that.

A mother’s love never ends. It’s part of the deal. That’s just how God made us. We fight for our children, always. Mother’s never give up. I know that I am loved by my mother, and that she loves all five of her children. I am grateful for my mom.

“Her children rise up and call her blessed,” (Proverbs 31:28, ESV).

 

Happy Mother’s Day to the best mom in the whole wide world!

I love you Mom.

Meghan

 

Please say a prayer for my mom as she battles cancer. Thank you!

 

Photo credit: Pixaby

‘The Child’s Caress’, oil on canvas c. 1890, Mary Cassatt