Tag: wedded bliss

Marriage

29 Years

meghanewhite

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The mighty Mississippi River snakes through Vicksburg, Mississippi. Side note: close your eyes and spell Mississippi out loud. Try M-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-crooked letter-crooked letter-i-humpback-humpback-i. Does anyone else remember that from childhood?

Back to my story. In 2021, we went to Vicksburg, Mississippi to see the historic Civil War battle field. My husband is a huge Civil War buff so Vicksburg was on the bucket list. It’s an incredible place. I highly recommend it if you love history. I’m sharing this picture with the pretty view from Vicksburg National Military Park, as an ode to my husband, Tom.

September 30th, is our twenty-ninth wedding anniversary. We are one year away from three decades of marriage, which is incredible. As momentous as this milestone is, we won’t be celebrating with a fancy dinner out, or a trip to some fun destination. Tom has been in the hospital since Tuesday of last week. Kidney failure struck again, but this time the blow was the worst ever.

This is Tom’s third hospitalization in three and a half years. Dialysis started this week and it’s not something we ever wanted, who does. Tom is supposed to come home on our anniversary, which would be the best gift. No jewelry or expensive gifts for me, not that I am into any of that. Those are the stereotypical anniversary presents. All I want is my husband healthy, and I’m praying for it.

After decades of marriage, I can look back on the good and bad times, and always see God’s faithful hand in our lives. Right now is an extremely difficult time, and also an opportunity for us to once again see God’s hand healing, providing, and caring for us. I would never choose this for my husband but what my Heavenly Father is allowing is for our good and His glory. We trust Him.

Months ago I was in the kitchen slicing potatoes as I prepared dinner. I cut my finger and without hesitation Tom got up from the family room, grabbed the knife, and finished slicing the potatoes as I got a bandage. He was exhausted after working all night. But that’s what you do for the one you love. That’s what my husband does for me. That’s what we do for each other. We don’t have to discuss it, we just jump in and help each other in our time of need. That is real love.

I’m helping Tom right now with the strength that the Lord provides. We stick together, and stick up for one another. When the two became one, we feel each other’s pain, and help each other. Tom has helped me and lifted me up countless times. It’s my turn. Thank you God, for twenty-nine years of a wonderful marriage, not perfect, but blessed.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Genesis 2:24, NKJV

Love you all,

Meghan

Photo credit: Meghan E. White

Just for fun and a few laughs, a quote from The Princess Bride, one of Tom’s favorite movies. If you’ve never seen it you won’t get it. The rest of us get it.

The Impressive Clergyman:

“Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us together today. Mawage, that blessed awangement, that dweam wifin a dweam. And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva. So tweasure your wuv.”

Marriage

25 Years

meghanewhite

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On a fall day twenty-seven years ago my life forever changed. I was a brand new employee at an insurance company. My boss was showing me around and brought me to my cubicle. Right next to my desk was an empty cubicle with a nameplate Tom White. I only saw the name and the Holy Spirit spoke clearly to my head and my heart, “You are going to marry Tom White.”

There is no way that is happening. I don’t know who this Tom is, but I am not going to marry him. There is no way my future husband is right here at my new job. Nope. Not happening. End of story.

Twenty-five years of marriage later, obviously I was wrong. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought Tom and I together. I have no idea how twenty-five years has flown by, but it has. The days are long but the years are short. 

When you’re a newlywed the world is your oyster. All things seem possible. We bought our first home, a fixer upper, and spent countless hours scraping layers of wallpaper, and ripping up shag carpet. But it was ours, and we were together, and we were happy. We got a dog and a cat before we had kids, to practice on. We shared our hopes about the future, and dreamed dreams together.

Once the first baby arrived, time seemed to accelerate. When the second baby arrived, we were in the fast lane of life. As I look back on these past twenty-five years it makes me happy. There are so many precious memories and painful ones too. The thread through our entire marriage is Jesus. It’s a scarlet string that is woven throughout our good and bad times. He has sustained us and He will continue to do so.

A lot happens over a quarter of a century in a marriage.

There has been so much laughter.

There have been some tears too.

We have had stupid petty arguments.

We have had some ugly arguments too.

We have apologized to each other.

We have put each other above our own needs.

There have been a million and one hugs and twice as many kisses.

We’ve had fun adventures.

We’ve had mountain top experiences.

The dessert years were the hardest.

Don’t get me started on the valleys.

We held on tight to Jesus and each other during the storms.

We know what real unconditional love looks like.

We’ve grieved and mourned over lost loved ones.

We have cooked countless meals.

Planned hundreds of parties.

Took dozens of camping trips.

Went on dozens of road trips.

Had some fantastic vacations.

Bought and sold several homes.

Fixed up a couple of those homes.

Had dogs and cats over the years.

Painted more rooms than I can count.

Disciplined little ones and big ones too.

Changed one million diapers.

Moved across the country on our own.

Made major career changes.

Suffered job loss.

Dealt with serious health issues in our children.

Prayed, and prayed, and prayed together.

Served at churches and ministries.

Worshiped God together.

Forgiven each other.

Given grace and mercy to each other.

Watched countless movies and cooking shows.

Planned gardens and remodels.

We still have so many dreams and hopes.

Jesus has carried us all the way through these twenty-five incredible years. I don’t have some magic formula of how to stay married and stay happily married. (Read my other posts below, where I go into more detail.) All I know is, God made marriage and it is good. We need God at the center of our marriage to succeed. I have learned a lot over these years. There have been some very hard lessons and God used my husband to teach me. Sometimes God has used me to teach Tom. 

Thank you Father God for these blessed twenty-five years. I do not take them for granted. Each day with Tom has been a treasure. He is the best man I know. God gave us to each other and we need to take care of this precious gift. We try our best, but fall short at times. It is God’s grace that has brought us this far. That beautiful scarlet thread of Jesus is woven through our twenty-five year history. That thread does not end. It is eternal and will carry us through until we go home, to heaven. 

Happy 25th Anniversary Tom! I love you so much. Here’s to another 25 by the grace of God. 

Love you all,

Meghan 

Check out my other posts on marriage.

Marriage Is A Blessing 

24 Years 

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Marriage, Uncategorized

24 Years

meghanewhite

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This picture is from actual film, from an actual camera. Not a phone, and not a digital camera. Unfortunately, I had to take a picture digitally of this black and white photo, which doesn’t do it justice. I don’t even know if a wedding photographer would use film today. The point is, times have changed, but we are still in love. We may not look quite as shiny and new as that day, but we love each other more, and deeper than in 1995.

Twenty-four years ago, on September 30th, we made this covenant. I know, it sounds like a big scary word. It kind of is. I don’t think I would have even used that word then. But I get it now. It just took a whole lot of years, and God teaching me through my husband, what marriage really is. Last year I wrote about God’s definition of marriage and how it symbolizes Christ and the Church. You can read it here Marriage Is A Blessing

A few things I’ve learned about marriage:

“You complete me” is ridiculous. Thanks Jerry Maguire for putting that false mantra out there. It is not my husband’s job to be my everything. Tom does not complete me. Jesus fills me up, completes me, and is my everything. No person is designed to make another person whole. If I expect Tom to take care of all my needs, all the time, we will both be miserable since it’s not humanly possible. Younger me thought that on some level. That was foolish me.

God uses our spouse to grow us up in our faith, if we let Him. The fastest way to have your flaws revealed is to get married. It all comes out when you are married whether you like it or not. It’s what you do with it, when all the issues and weaknesses come out. Be honest when the ugly is sitting in front of you. We’ve all got some ugly stuff that needs dealt with.

It’s not my job to “fix” my husband. This is that age old stereotype of the wife wants to change her husband and the husband doesn’t want his wife to change. In our early years I made this mistake. I thought it was my job to be Tom’s fixer. Hahahaha! I am not the Holy Spirit. I can change me and that’s it.

Put your spouses needs above your own. We come into the world selfish and we bring that same selfishness into our marriages. Me, me, me. It’s all about me. I’ve got needs and my husband better fulfill those. What I have learned is to put Tom first even when I’m tired, even when I’m needy. God says:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” (Philippians 2:3, NIV)

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10, NIV)

God created marriage and it is so good. God ideas are the best. He made marriage and He knew exactly what He was doing. Anything God makes is excellent. Better than any idea I could come up with.

 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NASB)

Keep God at the center of your marriage. The only way to have a healthy thriving marriage is Jesus. We cannot do it alone, just the two of us. It takes three for success. Again, God’s design, not mine. God’s ways work. I can’t explain it, but I have experienced it in my marriage.

The couple that prays together stays together. You don’t need some lengthy super spiritual prayers with all the right words. Pray together. Simple honest prayers. That’s it. Tom and I pray every night before bed. Our prayers aren’t fancy, just real.

A lot has happened in our twenty-four years of wedded bliss. There have been moments of sheer joy, like the birth of both of our sons. There have been years of exhaustion, like when Tom went back to school. He was working at night, and going to school during the day. That five year period was us just surviving. Not a lot of time for romance and gazing into each others eyes. Those would have been blood shot eyes anyway. But God, in His goodness and grace, carried us through.

I am not a marriage expert. I am good at making mistakes, and sharing what I’ve learned along the way. Marriage is an incredible blessing. God gave Tom and I to each other. We take our marriage serious, and work hard to guard it, and let Jesus grow us in the process.

Happy anniversary to my wonderful husband Tom. You are the best person I know. It’s been the most incredible twenty-four years of my life. I love you always.

And…..I love all of you!

Meghan