Marriage

27 Years Ago

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These two were in love and having a great time on their honeymoon in San Francisco. After twenty-seven years, these two are still in love. We may be a bit older, with a few more wrinkles, but hey, we’re still here by the grace of God. 

San Francisco was not our first choice for a honeymoon destination. We wanted to go to Paris. We were researching going to France, from books. Remember books? Ha ha ha!! This was the early days of the world wide web. My dad offered to send us to France if we exchanged a big fancy wedding for a much simpler one. That was incredibly generous of my dad. Thank you Dad! 

The decision ultimately came down to me. I was a very young, soon-to-be bride, who wanted my dream wedding. So I chose the beautiful, fancy wedding over the fantasy honeymoon. I don’t regret my wedding at all. I do regret not choosing Paris. I would like to tell twenty-two year old me, “Go to Paris, you dummy!”. My choice was made, and we had a fantastic honeymoon. Lots of great food and fun in an amazing city. 

We have nothing exciting planned to celebrate our anniversary today. Tom is working 12 hour night shifts right now, and he works tonight and all weekend. But that’s life. And sometimes, that’s married life. You go through challenges and challenging times. You have mountaintop experiences where you are high-fiving each other because you made it with the Lord’s help. And when you are in the valley together, you hug each other, and hold on to one another, and trust God to make a way. And He does make a way, every time. 

So today I celebrate my husband, Tom. He’s a good, Godly man, who leads our family, and works tirelessly to provide for us. I also celebrate the wonderful gift of marriage. God made marriage and it is good. Thank you Lord for carrying us all these years. It is by Your amazing grace that we are here today. You get all the glory, all the honor, and all the praise!

A little side note. I keep every card Tom has given me over the years because the words mean so much. He has always chosen the most gorgeous cards and I cherish them. I am a card hoarder. I feel better now that I confessed. Here is one of the anniversary cards he gave me, several years ago. It’s so pretty! 

 

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And though one may be overpowered, two can resist. Moreover, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

Thanks for coming along with me today!

Love you all,

Meghan

Marriage, Uncategorized

24 Years

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This picture is from actual film, from an actual camera. Not a phone, and not a digital camera. Unfortunately, I had to take a picture digitally of this black and white photo, which doesn’t do it justice. I don’t even know if a wedding photographer would use film today. The point is, times have changed, but we are still in love. We may not look quite as shiny and new as that day, but we love each other more, and deeper than in 1995.

Twenty-four years ago, on September 30th, we made this covenant. I know, it sounds like a big scary word. It kind of is. I don’t think I would have even used that word then. But I get it now. It just took a whole lot of years, and God teaching me through my husband, what marriage really is. Last year I wrote about God’s definition of marriage and how it symbolizes Christ and the Church. You can read it here Marriage Is A Blessing

A few things I’ve learned about marriage:

“You complete me” is ridiculous. Thanks Jerry Maguire for putting that false mantra out there. It is not my husband’s job to be my everything. Tom does not complete me. Jesus fills me up, completes me, and is my everything. No person is designed to make another person whole. If I expect Tom to take care of all my needs, all the time, we will both be miserable since it’s not humanly possible. Younger me thought that on some level. That was foolish me.

God uses our spouse to grow us up in our faith, if we let Him. The fastest way to have your flaws revealed is to get married. It all comes out when you are married whether you like it or not. It’s what you do with it, when all the issues and weaknesses come out. Be honest when the ugly is sitting in front of you. We’ve all got some ugly stuff that needs dealt with.

It’s not my job to “fix” my husband. This is that age old stereotype of the wife wants to change her husband and the husband doesn’t want his wife to change. In our early years I made this mistake. I thought it was my job to be Tom’s fixer. Hahahaha! I am not the Holy Spirit. I can change me and that’s it.

Put your spouses needs above your own. We come into the world selfish and we bring that same selfishness into our marriages. Me, me, me. It’s all about me. I’ve got needs and my husband better fulfill those. What I have learned is to put Tom first even when I’m tired, even when I’m needy. God says:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” (Philippians 2:3, NIV)

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10, NIV)

God created marriage and it is so good. God ideas are the best. He made marriage and He knew exactly what He was doing. Anything God makes is excellent. Better than any idea I could come up with.

 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NASB)

Keep God at the center of your marriage. The only way to have a healthy thriving marriage is Jesus. We cannot do it alone, just the two of us. It takes three for success. Again, God’s design, not mine. God’s ways work. I can’t explain it, but I have experienced it in my marriage.

The couple that prays together stays together. You don’t need some lengthy super spiritual prayers with all the right words. Pray together. Simple honest prayers. That’s it. Tom and I pray every night before bed. Our prayers aren’t fancy, just real.

A lot has happened in our twenty-four years of wedded bliss. There have been moments of sheer joy, like the birth of both of our sons. There have been years of exhaustion, like when Tom went back to school. He was working at night, and going to school during the day. That five year period was us just surviving. Not a lot of time for romance and gazing into each others eyes. Those would have been blood shot eyes anyway. But God, in His goodness and grace, carried us through.

I am not a marriage expert. I am good at making mistakes, and sharing what I’ve learned along the way. Marriage is an incredible blessing. God gave Tom and I to each other. We take our marriage serious, and work hard to guard it, and let Jesus grow us in the process.

Happy anniversary to my wonderful husband Tom. You are the best person I know. It’s been the most incredible twenty-four years of my life. I love you always.

And…..I love all of you!

Meghan