Marriage, Uncategorized

24 Years

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This picture is from actual film, from an actual camera. Not a phone, and not a digital camera. Unfortunately, I had to take a picture digitally of this black and white photo, which doesn’t do it justice. I don’t even know if a wedding photographer would use film today. The point is, times have changed, but we are still in love. We may not look quite as shiny and new as that day, but we love each other more, and deeper than in 1995.

Twenty-four years ago, on September 30th, we made this covenant. I know, it sounds like a big scary word. It kind of is. I don’t think I would have even used that word then. But I get it now. It just took a whole lot of years, and God teaching me through my husband, what marriage really is. Last year I wrote about God’s definition of marriage and how it symbolizes Christ and the Church. You can read it here Marriage Is A Blessing

A few things I’ve learned about marriage:

“You complete me” is ridiculous. Thanks Jerry Maguire for putting that false mantra out there. It is not my husband’s job to be my everything. Tom does not complete me. Jesus fills me up, completes me, and is my everything. No person is designed to make another person whole. If I expect Tom to take care of all my needs, all the time, we will both be miserable since it’s not humanly possible. Younger me thought that on some level. That was foolish me.

God uses our spouse to grow us up in our faith, if we let Him. The fastest way to have your flaws revealed is to get married. It all comes out when you are married whether you like it or not. It’s what you do with it, when all the issues and weaknesses come out. Be honest when the ugly is sitting in front of you. We’ve all got some ugly stuff that needs dealt with.

It’s not my job to “fix” my husband. This is that age old stereotype of the wife wants to change her husband and the husband doesn’t want his wife to change. In our early years I made this mistake. I thought it was my job to be Tom’s fixer. Hahahaha! I am not the Holy Spirit. I can change me and that’s it.

Put your spouses needs above your own. We come into the world selfish and we bring that same selfishness into our marriages. Me, me, me. It’s all about me. I’ve got needs and my husband better fulfill those. What I have learned is to put Tom first even when I’m tired, even when I’m needy. God says:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,” (Philippians 2:3, NIV)

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10, NIV)

God created marriage and it is so good. God ideas are the best. He made marriage and He knew exactly what He was doing. Anything God makes is excellent. Better than any idea I could come up with.

 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, NASB)

Keep God at the center of your marriage. The only way to have a healthy thriving marriage is Jesus. We cannot do it alone, just the two of us. It takes three for success. Again, God’s design, not mine. God’s ways work. I can’t explain it, but I have experienced it in my marriage.

The couple that prays together stays together. You don’t need some lengthy super spiritual prayers with all the right words. Pray together. Simple honest prayers. That’s it. Tom and I pray every night before bed. Our prayers aren’t fancy, just real.

A lot has happened in our twenty-four years of wedded bliss. There have been moments of sheer joy, like the birth of both of our sons. There have been years of exhaustion, like when Tom went back to school. He was working at night, and going to school during the day. That five year period was us just surviving. Not a lot of time for romance and gazing into each others eyes. Those would have been blood shot eyes anyway. But God, in His goodness and grace, carried us through.

I am not a marriage expert. I am good at making mistakes, and sharing what I’ve learned along the way. Marriage is an incredible blessing. God gave Tom and I to each other. We take our marriage serious, and work hard to guard it, and let Jesus grow us in the process.

Happy anniversary to my wonderful husband Tom. You are the best person I know. It’s been the most incredible twenty-four years of my life. I love you always.

And…..I love all of you!

Meghan

15 thoughts on “24 Years”

  1. Frankly Meghan I think most marriage ‘experts’ are full of horse pucky. Any marriage that can last makes the participants experienced. Experience always trumps knowledge. You have gained real wisdom that you have shared here. Good job. Thank you for sharing. We have 30+ years ourselves and we totally concur with your points.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m nowhere close to expert. I probably never will be. I’m really good at doing things the wrong way and hopefully learning from those mistakes. It is God’s grace that has protected our marriage. You have a long marriage and that is a blessing, especially to your daughters. Thanks Homer for your encouragement and support. It means a lot to me. 😊

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You were the most beautiful bride, and you still are!! Your wedding (& Missy’s) are such special memories for me! Thank you for being such a good example to me and others. One thing I have always admired is how you never ever speak negatively about Tom. Such a wonderful practical way of guarding your marriage.
    Happy Anniversary Meghan & Tom!❤💕

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Anniversary, Meghan, and thank you for this post. I especially like your first point: that Jesus completes us, not our spouses. And this is equally true for those who are single. It’s a universal and amazing truth. One more year until your silver anniversary. Very awesome. Have a great year.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Setting aside the fact that this is a beautiful article, please drop about $75 to $100 on a digital scanner and digitize your photos so you will never lose them. It’s a time consuming endeavor, but well worth it. I did this with family photos dating back to the 1800s, and now all my sisters and I have family photos that we will never lose.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good advice on the pictures. I do have a scanner and should do that. That’s so great that you scanned your old family photos! Smart move 😊
      Thank you Damon for taking the time to read my post and for you kind comment.

      Like

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