Category: Trials

Trials

Pressure

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There’s a tiny deejay in my head playing random songs whenever he feels like it, or when my memory gets triggered. “Under Pressure” by David Bowie and Queen has been popping into my head for months now. My husband and I are in a very difficult season filled with so much uncertainty. When Tom is having a bad day because of kidney failure and dialysis, which are most days, my fears confront me and I feel the squeeze of life and bam, “Under Pressure” is on repeat in my mind.

In those overwhelming moments I have a choice to make. Do I cave under the pressure and let it crush me? Or do I rest in God and let Him shape me? Let me tell ya, many times I want to hide and run away, but that’s not a good option. There is only one way out of this, walking right through it. One day at a time, one step at a time. This is a challenge for me. I get impatient, and want God to fix it all now. He is God, and I am not.

Pressure can be a good thing.

Diamonds are formed under intense heat and pressure about one hundred plus miles below the Earth’s surface. It takes high temperatures and high pressure to form diamond crystals from carbon. These diamonds were brought to the surface from volcanic eruptions a long time ago. All this extreme pressure and heat created something so stunningly beautiful and strong.

Every time the pressure is too great for me is an opportunity to go to God. The pressure of suffering is too much for me to handle on my own. If I want relief I must run to my Father. He is faithful to encourage me, strengthen me, and carry me. This extreme pressure is not meant to destroy me, it is meant to change me. God is shaping my faith and my character through the fire of suffering.

I would never ask God to sign me up for suffering. However, if I never dealt with adversity, I would never experience the goodness of God. I would just rely on myself and be a selfish, terrible person. God wants my heart and He is refining it. So I surrender to the pressure, as painful as that is at times. For my God is making me strong and beautiful in Him, like a diamond.

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given to us. Romans 5:3-5, NIV

Are you under intense pressure right now? Is the weight of your problem crushing you? There is hope. God loves you and wants to help you. Cry out to Him. If you have not placed your faith in Jesus Christ, today would be a great day to change that. Do not give up.

Love you all,

Meghan

sickness, Trials

I Can Do Hard Things

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I did something I have never done before in my entire life, I mowed the lawn. I know, you are probably not very impressed. My husband started to mow the lawn last weekend when he had to stop from a nasty allergic reaction to the various weeds growing in our front yard. I knew it was time to step in and help the guy out. After all, he’s in kidney failure and on dialysis, it’s the least I could do.

Once I started pushing the mower something odd happened, I felt a sense of accomplishment. I actually liked mowing the lawn or weed patch, whatever you want to call it. I am a doer. I like to achieve and accomplish and get stuff done. Lately, my life is about not being able to accomplish very much. Our days are a repeat of dialysis and the discomfort and stress of that, Tom working nights, and somehow surviving each day with the constant threat of Tom possibly ending up back in the hospital, or worse, hanging over our heads. 

There is very little I can control in my life right now, and the future is filled with so many unknowns and potentially terrifying possibilities. I have to focus on what is in front of me each day. The faith test is very real for us. So when I pushed that mower and saw results it was satisfying. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to punish myself again by using the edger. That too was a first for me and a much bigger job. The high temperatures added to the challenge. 

As I was mowing and edging, like a boss, all I could see was a glaring metaphor of my life. Dead spots after months of neglect. Weeds all over the place. Yet somehow, the lawn is still alive and in some areas thriving. My patchy front yard is a vivid image of Tom and I. We’re still here, it’s just going to take a lot of fertilizer and weed killer to get us back to how we should be, healthy and thriving, specifically Tom.

I am learning that I can endure in a whole new way I didn’t think was possible. I am learning that I can do hard things, like mow the lawn or something even harder, keep believing for healing. I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me, especially the things I really don’t want to do. I have to rely on Jesus to give me strength each day to do what I need to do and He has been nothing but faithful. He carries me when I am too tired to take another step. He lifts me when I fall. He holds me close when I am afraid. He provides every single thing I need.

God continues to carry us in this trial and equips us to do hard things. Whatever hard thing you are facing, God will help you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Love you all,

Meghan

Carolina Jessamine photo credit: Meghan E. White 

Trials

When We Can’t See

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by Night Camera Lite for iPhone and iPad
Photo by Meghan E. White

What if we saw every trial, trouble, triumph, and tragedy in detail laid out in front of us, that covered the span of our lives? Would it change the decisions we made? Would we even be able to handle it? Would it change our faith? Would we have faith in God? 

There is a very good reason that God is God, and that I am not. I would like nothing more than to look ahead in my current situation and see something, anything. When I attempt to look ahead I either look with eyes of faith, and know it’s all going to work out, or I look with fear and see a lot of potentially bad things. I can’t see beyond right now, not that I could before Tom’s kidney failure, dialysis, and possible transplant. I made a false assumption that I could see clearly ahead, though this was not a conscious decision, that’s what I was doing. That is not reality.

I like to tell God my plans and then say, “OK Lord, get to work on that.” His patience and mercy are such a gift and blessing. His love for me is astounding. God is teaching me in a whole new way, I don’t need to know what’s ahead, because He does. God not only knows what is ahead for me and Tom, He has ordained it. He is faithful and will get us through whatever we need to deal with. We are not facing anything alone, especially the unknown, yet this is still very difficult for me.

You’d think I would have this down by now, trust God and surrender everything to Jesus, obviously not. My faith is being tested. This is all part of the journey of following Christ. I am grateful for this trial, though I would never choose it. I hate seeing my husband suffer. When he hurts, I hurt. We are learning so many things, including perseverance. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4, NIV 

As I was driving home from the hospital one night, after Tom’s most recent stay, God gave me revelation. He told me not knowing and having no answers is exactly how He wants me to live. God reminded me to trust Him fully, especially in the unknown. It’s all going to be O.K. The road may be rough, but He will get us exactly where we need to be. It gave me total peace. We both have peace. Praise God for that. It’s all still hard, and can be scary and overwhelming, but He’s got us.

With so many encouraging passages of scripture that I am clinging to, Psalm 55 has brought a lot of solace. Here are a few of the sections that I go back to, often. May they encourage you as well.

Listen to my prayer, O God,
    do not ignore my plea;
2     hear me and answer me.
My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught

4 My heart is in anguish within me;
    the terrors of death have fallen on me.
5 Fear and trembling have beset me;
    horror has overwhelmed me.
6 I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove!
    I would fly away and be at rest.
7 I would flee far away
    and stay in the desert;
8 I would hurry to my place of shelter,
    far from the tempest and storm.”

16 As for me, I call to God,
    and the Lord saves me.
17 Evening, morning and noon
    I cry out in distress,
    and he hears my voice.
18 He rescues me unharmed
    from the battle waged against me,
    even though many oppose me.

22 Cast your cares on the Lord
    and he will sustain you;
he will never let
    the righteous be shaken.

Whatever your unknowns are today, know that He is with you. Even if you can’t see a thing in front of you, and you wish you could, He is already there in those unknown places. God will take care of you. He is faithful.

Love you all,

Meghan

Trials

My Wonderful Church Family

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My church family is amazing. They have poured into us during this difficult time of Tom’s hospitalization and sickness. As soon as they got word of Tom being in the ICU, the phone calls and texts started pouring in. They were ready to storm the hospital and lay hands on Tom.

Since coming to the hospital was not ideal, my brothers and sisters in Christ stormed the gates of heaven on Tom’s behalf. While in the ICU I’d receive a text letting me know they were praying.  Their words were faith filled, saying things like, “God’s going to heal Tom” “God is faithful” “Healing is His hobby”.

It was so encouraging as everything we saw looked like death. They have stood in the gap for us and they continue to do so. Our pastor and his wife have been supportive and willing to help us, and our whole church family is praying for us. I want to give honor to this very special group of believers that I call not just friends, but family. Here are just a few of my church peeps that I want to give a shout out to. 

Sharon is a pillar of the church and a faithful prayer warrior. She has sent us the most beautiful letters filled with scriptures, encouragement, and hope. She regularly calls and asks for updates. She is a blessing who has weathered her own storms, yet is full of faith. 

My sweet friend Hawah called me while Tom was in the ICU as she was getting ready to leave the country. She took the time to reach out and encourage us as she was preparing for a long trip overseas. Incredible woman.

Joyce is the perfect name for a woman filled with joy. She is an encourager and every single time we talk, or she texts, she reminds me of God’s faithfulness. Her reassurance is so comforting. 

Koffi is a faithful prayer warrior. Originally from Ghana, he’s a big guy, with a big heart, and a booming voice. When Koffi prays I feel like I just experienced God’s presence. He prays with confidence, authority, and humility. 

Koffi called me the first week Tom was home from the hospital. He said in his thick accent, “How is my brother Tom doing?” Then he went on to tell me that he’d been praying for us all day, and that the Holy Spirit impressed on him to pray for us at that moment over the phone. I put the phone on speaker so Tom could hear as Koffi sang a hymn, “There is Power in the Blood”. Then he began to pray a powerful prayer for Tom. 

A couple weeks ago, Koffi and Joyce, who is also from Ghana, showed up at our house with donuts and prayer. Since Tom was sleeping we stayed outside. Koffi wanted to pray, so the three of us huddled on the sidewalk as Koffi called out to God for healing. It was beautiful. 

I share these stories to give glory to God, and to give thanks to some very special people in our lives. When we haven’t had the words to pray, our amazing church family has prayed. They stand in the gap for us, and they keep standing. 

My church family has shown me what love looks like. What humility and sacrifice is. I have so much to learn from these precious people. What an example they are to me. I am grateful. Thank you God for this loving group of believers. Bless each and every one of them for their steadfastness. 

And thank each of you who have prayed for Tom. Our battle is not over, and every prayer matters. Thank you! 

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15:12-13 

Love you all,

Meghan

Photo credit: Meghan E. White

Faith, Trials

Don’t Be Afraid, God’s Here to Help

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Fear is a powerful force that can bring us to our knees, and strike terror in our hearts and minds. Fear can also draw us to our Heavenly Father as we ask for His help. And He delights in helping us. What an awesome God who loves us so very much!

Are you stressed out, afraid, anxious? Welcome to the club. There’s no shortage of things to be afraid of in this dark world. But……..there is hope! We do not have to stay in a fearful place. God is ready and always available to reach out and rescue us. We just need to ask.

This scripture was part of a devotion in the YouVersion Bible app a few years ago. We can never get enough encouragement. I pray you are encouraged today.

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Do not be afraid! God is here to help you. He’s got your back, and your front. Keep trusting God.

Love you all,

Meghan

Lord,

Thank You for for grace and mercy, and for helping us when we are afraid. Bless every person who is reading this, and afraid. Give them peace, hope, and comfort. Take them by the hand and make a way for them. Change their perspective as they take their eyes off of their problems and look to You. We love You, Lord!

In Jesus name,

Amen