Tag: keep asking

sickness, Trials

I Can Do Hard Things

meghanewhite

I did something I have never done before in my entire life, I mowed the lawn. I know, you are probably not very impressed. My husband started to mow the lawn last weekend when he had to stop from a nasty allergic reaction to the various weeds growing in our front yard. I knew it was time to step in and help the guy out. After all, he’s in kidney failure and on dialysis, it’s the least I could do.

Once I started pushing the mower something odd happened, I felt a sense of accomplishment. I actually liked mowing the lawn or weed patch, whatever you want to call it. I am a doer. I like to achieve and accomplish and get stuff done. Lately, my life is about not being able to accomplish very much. Our days are a repeat of dialysis and the discomfort and stress of that, Tom working nights, and somehow surviving each day with the constant threat of Tom possibly ending up back in the hospital, or worse, hanging over our heads. 

There is very little I can control in my life right now, and the future is filled with so many unknowns and potentially terrifying possibilities. I have to focus on what is in front of me each day. The faith test is very real for us. So when I pushed that mower and saw results it was satisfying. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to punish myself again by using the edger. That too was a first for me and a much bigger job. The high temperatures added to the challenge. 

As I was mowing and edging, like a boss, all I could see was a glaring metaphor of my life. Dead spots after months of neglect. Weeds all over the place. Yet somehow, the lawn is still alive and in some areas thriving. My patchy front yard is a vivid image of Tom and I. We’re still here, it’s just going to take a lot of fertilizer and weed killer to get us back to how we should be, healthy and thriving, specifically Tom.

I am learning that I can endure in a whole new way I didn’t think was possible. I am learning that I can do hard things, like mow the lawn or something even harder, keep believing for healing. I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me, especially the things I really don’t want to do. I have to rely on Jesus to give me strength each day to do what I need to do and He has been nothing but faithful. He carries me when I am too tired to take another step. He lifts me when I fall. He holds me close when I am afraid. He provides every single thing I need.

God continues to carry us in this trial and equips us to do hard things. Whatever hard thing you are facing, God will help you.

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10

Love you all,

Meghan

Carolina Jessamine photo credit: Meghan E. White 

Waiting

God Has Not Forgotten You

meghanewhite

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Waiting on God can be quite difficult. At first, our faith is strong and unwavering. Then, as time goes by, our faith gets a little tired. Our patience gets exhausted, and we start to think that God may have forgotten us in our suffering. That could not be farther from the truth.

When we don’t get an immediate answer to our prayers, the wait begins. The longer the wait, the more fear and doubt come in to our minds. It’s a faith test that no one wants to take, definitely not me. Delay does not mean denial. It can sure feel like it though.

I can wait a few hours, a few days, maybe even a few weeks. When weeks turn to months, and months turn to years, I start to wonder what is God doing. “God, do you see me?” “Do you care that I’m in pain?” “How long will this go on?” The truth is that God sees us, and is with us in our pain, and He has a plan for our good, in all of it.

Recently, I watched a talk given by an elderly woman who was part of the Dutch Resistance in the Netherlands during the Nazi occupation of WWII. I can’t recall her name, but she was a friend of Corrie ten Boom. Her story was filled with danger, and suffering, and a lot of faith. She mentioned the length of the war, and how they did not know the Nazi occupation would last for five years. They were always hoping and praying for the terrible war to end, but it took five long years for the Germans to surrender in 1945. Her nightmare ended, but they had no way of knowing how long it was going to last.

We don’t know how long we have to wait for that promise from God, but He does. He is with you as you wait. He is with you when you can’t take it another minute. He is with you when you hurt. He is the God of all comfort. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 2 Corinthians 1:3, NIV

God is having you wait for a reason and a season. Keep trusting Him when you don’t know, and don’t understand. God is sovereign and loves you. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. Colossians 1:16, NIV

“Is there something you are waiting for, something you are trusting God to do, to perform, to fulfill, and He hasn’t done it yet? You are probably waiting longer than you thought you would have to wait. But that doesn’t mean God’s provision is canceled, it just means His promise is delayed. Our timetable is different from His, and on occasion He will say, “Wait.” I repeat, the delay doesn’t mean He has canceled it, it simply means He’s building our character through the process of waiting.”

Charles R. Swindoll, Bedside Blessings

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. Psalm 40:1, NIV

Love you all,

Meghan

Photo credit of forget-me-not flower: Meghan E. White

Faith, Prayer, Uncategorized

Suddenly

meghanewhite

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I planted morning glories for the first time about three years ago. It was early spring and those tiny seeds went into the ground, and were forgotten until the first signs of life appeared weeks later. Little heart shaped leaves sprouted from the soil.

It feels like a leap of faith when I plant some seeds. The pretty picture on the seed packet shows me what I will eventually have. Hope is sown in my heart as I cover small seeds with dirt.

Sometimes there are crop failures. Seeds never sprout. Or, the seedlings only have short lives. A rain storm, heat, wind, or lack of sun can destroy what’s been planted. Precious seeds are fragile, vulnerable. But they are also packed with everything they need to grow into full-sized plants.

Heart shaped vines covered the wrought iron fence that summer. I waited anxiously for the first purple flower to appear. Day after day I watered and watched. Nothing happened. I watered some more and watched. Still nothing. June came and went, no flowers. July passed, then August. Still no flowers. Oh sure, I had a beautiful vine, but that’s not what I wanted. Blueish purple flowers is what I wanted.

September came and went, then October too. Nothing. I had accepted the fact that flowers were not coming. Morning glories were not meant for me. Other people got to experience their beauty, but not me.

Suddenly, one day in November I noticed something. There was a sliver of purple on the vine. Could it be? Did the morning glory finally bloom? Yes indeed! Oh happy day! My first morning glory appeared. It opened its beautiful purple self to the sun and smiled at me. I know flowers don’t actually smile, but this one did.

God spoke to me through that lone morning glory. He said, “I love you. I showed up right on time. This flower is just for you. I never forgot you.”

God has not forgotten you. Are you waiting on Him for an answer? For a miracle?

Did you plant your seed of faith? You watered it, and waited, and watched. Yet nothing happened. At least it appeared that way. There is a lot happening in that soil that we cannot see. It takes dirt, darkness, sun, rain, and time for things to grow. Conditions have to be just right for plants to produce flowers.

This last spring, morning glory seeds were put in the ground. I waited again in anticipation. This time I had to wait longer. Blooms didn’t show up until December. This year I had more faith, more hope as I waited. Even though it took longer to get those gorgeous purple flowers, I knew they were coming. Why? Because God had proven Himself faithful to me before. He would do it again.

Now when I get that first morning glory bloom it speaks right to my heart. My hope is restored that God indeed has a plan. His plan and His timing.

When we ask God for what He has placed on our hearts we can give up when it doesn’t happen right away. We’re impatient. We want it now. God rarely works that way. He’s always working on our hearts and our faith. Working out much bigger things than we can imagine.

Do we trust Him enough to wait on His timing? Do we trust Him with whatever the answer is, even if it’s not what we would choose? Is He truly Lord or just a Santa Claus? If God is my Savior and King, then He knows what’s best for me.

What do I want more? His blessings? Or Him?

Be encouraged today that God is a God of suddenly. When things look bleak, when we think it’s over, He will surprise us. Ask again, today. Believe again, today. God loves you!

 He has made everything beautiful in its time. Ecclesiastes 3:11

Love you all,

Meghan