Death comes for all of us, though for some it happens too soon. My oldest brother, Sean, died on August 19, 2023. At only fifty-five years young, a septic infection killed him. He eluded death for years as a drug addict. There were countless overdoses from methamphetamines that could have taken his life, and it was a hard life. Sean lived on the streets for the majority of his adulthood. He lived with people who took him in from time to time, but that never lasted, because Sean always sabotaged it.
I have not seen my brother in almost twenty years. I would get updates from my mom when she was still alive, if Sean was in jail, or rehab, or prison. The only pictures I would see were mug shots that ripped my heart wide open. Drug addiction and homelessness changes a person. They look and act differently. Sean was manipulative, violent, and angry. My mom feared that he might cause her harm.
The thought of my brother dying without knowing Jesus as his Savior, and facing an eternity in hell, destroyed me. I cried many tears over his horrible life, calling on the Lord, pleading for Sean’s soul. I wasn’t the only one praying. My mom was praying, and my sister, and many other friends, and family members. Recently, my prayers shifted. I asked God to “snatch Sean out of all the addiction, and pain, and evil. To set him free.” I would picture God’s hand plucking Sean off the streets to freedom. I am believing that the Lord answered our prayers.
Sean chose the life he lived. He took the drugs, lied, cheated, stole, hurt people, and made the worst choices with catastrophic results. The drugs called him, and he answered, probably thinking he was in control. Then it took a turn, where the drugs gripped him tightly, and did not want to let go.
Sean wasn’t always an addict. He was my parent’s son, and a brother to four siblings. Sean had hopes and dreams, like all of us. He was smart and did well in school. As a five-year-old he informed my mom that he would walk himself to kindergarten. Sean was very talented in theater productions, and was an active member of the drama department of his high school. I vividly remember watching his plays, being mesmerized at his performances. His drama teacher loved him and promised Sean a college scholarship, but he dropped out of high school.
I have a lot of good childhood memories of playing board games with Sean, and holding his pet rat, Ruby. I can hear his hearty laugh. He loved music and I would listen to his records. My first real concert was with both my brothers. It was U2 in 1987 at the L. A. Colosseum. Sean drove us there, and it was terrifying, because he was a scary driver. But, he made the concert fun for me.
My brother was a person, with value, who got caught up in a tragic life of addiction. Sean was taught the truth of Jesus Christ being the only way to the Father. I know the Lord was always calling him, because that’s how much Jesus loves him. The peace and comfort I have from the Lord is a gift. I keep seeing Jesus pick Sean up out of the hospital bed and carry him home. Free from suffering. Free from the grip of hard drug addiction. Free from a life of torment. No more pain, no more sorrow.
I can’t help but think of the thief on the cross when I think of Sean’s death. One thief who was also being crucified at the same time as Jesus said to Him, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise.” (Luke 23:42-43, NIV)
Goodbye Sean. You will always be my big brother, and I will always love you. See you soon.
Love,
Meghan
Meghan E White 