I did something I have never done before in my entire life, I mowed the lawn. I know, you are probably not very impressed. My husband started to mow the lawn last weekend when he had to stop from a nasty allergic reaction to the various weeds growing in our front yard. I knew it was time to step in and help the guy out. After all, he’s in kidney failure and on dialysis, it’s the least I could do.
Once I started pushing the mower something odd happened, I felt a sense of accomplishment. I actually liked mowing the lawn or weed patch, whatever you want to call it. I am a doer. I like to achieve and accomplish and get stuff done. Lately, my life is about not being able to accomplish very much. Our days are a repeat of dialysis and the discomfort and stress of that, Tom working nights, and somehow surviving each day with the constant threat of Tom possibly ending up back in the hospital, or worse, hanging over our heads.
There is very little I can control in my life right now, and the future is filled with so many unknowns and potentially terrifying possibilities. I have to focus on what is in front of me each day. The faith test is very real for us. So when I pushed that mower and saw results it was satisfying. I enjoyed it so much that I decided to punish myself again by using the edger. That too was a first for me and a much bigger job. The high temperatures added to the challenge.
As I was mowing and edging, like a boss, all I could see was a glaring metaphor of my life. Dead spots after months of neglect. Weeds all over the place. Yet somehow, the lawn is still alive and in some areas thriving. My patchy front yard is a vivid image of Tom and I. We’re still here, it’s just going to take a lot of fertilizer and weed killer to get us back to how we should be, healthy and thriving, specifically Tom.
I am learning that I can endure in a whole new way I didn’t think was possible. I am learning that I can do hard things, like mow the lawn or something even harder, keep believing for healing. I can truly do all things through Christ who strengthens me, especially the things I really don’t want to do. I have to rely on Jesus to give me strength each day to do what I need to do and He has been nothing but faithful. He carries me when I am too tired to take another step. He lifts me when I fall. He holds me close when I am afraid. He provides every single thing I need.
God continues to carry us in this trial and equips us to do hard things. Whatever hard thing you are facing, God will help you.
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
Love you all,
Meghan
Carolina Jessamine photo credit: Meghan E. White
Meghan E White 