Hello, my name is Meghan, and I am a recovered people pleaser.
The disease to please is deceptive. It looks really nice on the outside. But it hides an awful, sinful truth. Pride. Wait a minute, people pleasers are so nice. They only want what’s best for others. No, not really.
As a former people pleaser I can tell you the ugly truth. You please people to make them happy and like you. I thought I was doing good. I was motivated by my own needs. It’s all about me. I did not see that at first, and yes, that sounds really harsh. Sure, the facade is niceness. But, it’s actually selfish. The motive to people please is fear of man. That is wrong.
I was not aware of my people pleasing ways until I was a teenager, maybe late teens. Once Jesus opened my eyes to my problem, He then showed me how dangerous it was. We are to fear God, not man.
The motive to please people is fear and insecurity. That is not from the Lord. I could jump through a million hoops and still disappoint many people, and I have. When Jesus began to unravel me, and reveal all of my ugly prideful ways, He set me free. There is freedom in fearing God and only God.
I am to please my Heavenly Father. He never shames me, guilts me, or turns me away. When you put God first and pleasing Him first, there are times you will offend people. It was hard for me to disappoint others, initially. Now, I’m pretty good at it. Hahaha!
People pleaser me: What will they think?
New creation in Christ me: What does God think?
Everything changed for me. My motivation used to be what would others think of “fill in the blank decision”. My motivation now is pleasing Father God.
The Bible is quite clear on this topic. We are to fear God and not man.
The LORD is for me; I will not fear; What can man do to me? Psalm 118:6, NASB
Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. Proverbs 29:25, NIV
What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31, NKJV
Now I say to you, My friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body, and after that have nothing more that they can do. But I will warn you whom to fear: fear the One who, after He has killed someone, has the power to throw that person into hell; yes, I tell you, fear Him! Luke 12:4-5, NASB
If you are struggling in this area I feel your pain. I was in that same place. There is hope in Jesus for total freedom from pleasing people. You can start today. Ask God to reveal areas where you are fearing man and not fearing God. It will be difficult at first.
No is a powerful word. Begin with saying NO to things that you know are wrong. Pray about your decisions. Read the Bible and stay grounded in the truth of the Word. Ask God to give you strength and courage to say NO to the fear of man stuff in your life. The Holy Spirit will give you the words to say when you have to tell someone NO.
Fearing God does not mean we are rude, heartless robots. God fearing people love, forgive, show grace, and mercy. We just aren’t motivated by fearing man. We do what’s right and sometimes that means we are going to tick some people off. That’s OK. If we are obeying God and following His Word He will help us.
God first, always.
Love you all,
Thank you for your patience, grace, and love. Help all of us to stop fearing man. Forgive us for the times we have put other’s desires above Your desires. Help us to stay focused on You and pleasing You. Stop us from the disease to please people. Set us free. Help us to love others and honor You in our lives. We praise You, the One true God. You are Holy!
In Jesus name,