Family

I Love You Dad

meghanewhite

F15AF6DD-C1AF-427E-91E5-8117BE4D8054

When I was a little girl, the thought never crossed my mind that my parents were ever once children themselves, let alone babies. In my child mind, parents are just grown ups, and they had never been anything else. This sweet picture is proof that parents were once babies. That’s my dad as a baby. I have no idea how old he was. Leo John Whitney was born on May 29, 1943 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. He was the youngest of three boys; a surprise baby for my middle aged grandparents. They already had sons who were 17 and 13 by the time my father arrived in the Whitney household. Lee was the precious youngest. My uncle Mack, the middle son, would tell me stories of “the prince”, my dad.

Lee grew up in Braddock, Pennsylvania. A borough in the eastern suburbs of Pittsburgh. His father, Michael, sold Chesterfield cigarettes and Ann, his mother, took care of the home and children. My dad was doted on and dearly loved. Some, my uncles, may even say he was spoiled. I would have to agree with that argument. My dad was raised Catholic, and went to parochial school all the way through high school. While in college he met my mom, and they married in 1963. He graduated from Penn State in 1965. Shortly afterwards, my parents decided to move out west to California. They got jobs and began to get settled in the Golden State. The Vietnam War was in full swing. My dad received his draft card and decided to join the Marines. Oorah!

Dad was a proud Marine. I know this because I heard, “From the halls of Montazuma, To the shores of Tripoli,” every time he drank too much; which was often. As a little girl I loved my dad. I would ask for sips of his beer. I had no clue he was an alcoholic. He would tell me I can be anything I want to be. These “speeches” were done while he was drunk. Again, I didn’t know what “drunk” was, or alcoholism. In my mind, Dad was strong. I would put my arms around his neck and he would dive into the pool. We’d go under the water, and I’d hold on tight. He’d flex his biceps and my sister and I would grab on and he’d lift us up. He was the strongest man I knew.

He loved when we had horses and got us all cowboy hats and boots. Dad rode Tasha, our part Arabian horse. I think he liked playing “cowboy”. I saw him try to get on the horse a few times and fall off. Drunk again. I still had no idea what that was. I watched my dad fall in the pool when he was cleaning it. Drunk.

Dad accepted Jesus Christ as his savior August 1982. I remember watching him get baptized. We got involved in our church. Dad was an usher but still struggled with his demons. We’d stop at the liquor store on the way home from church. Dad was saved, but not set free. He finally went cold turkey in the late ’80’s which was great. The down side was him trying so hard to stay sober on his own; he’d fall off the wagon at times. I never saw him drunk again like when I was growing up. So, praise God for that.

My memories from when I was a little girl are good ones. But, all addictions get worse, and his alcoholism did. By the time I was in  high school his drinking was out of control. I knew what alcoholism was now, but never told a friend. I didn’t know what to do with it. Anger built inside of me. The dad I loved, I now despised. I hated him. I hated alcohol. I hated what it did to our family. It tore us up.

The summer after I graduated high school I heard a sermon at church on forgiveness. I had probably heard many teachings on forgiveness up to that point. That day was different. The words cut to my heart. I knew I needed to forgive my dad. I was 17 and I forgave Dad for all the years of drinking and the pain it caused. I never came up to my dad and said, “I forgive you”. It was done in my heart and Jesus set me free of that burden. I began to see my dad differently. As a person with a past, and problems. Just like me. I loved my dad again, like when I was a little girl. God is so good.

Dad loved the Lord. He was not a perfect man. I am not perfect either. I tell this from my view. My four siblings have their perspectives, and memories. My mom has her memories too. This is my way to honor my dad. My story is one of forgiveness, and the redemptive work Jesus did on the cross and in my dad’s life.

Dad passed away exactly twenty one years ago today, March 30, 1998. After his grim cancer diagnosis, he lived the best life he could. He loved running the Gresham Bike Store, that my parents had bought a couple years prior. He hugged us every time we saw him. He was hugging everyone, my husband,  the mailman, and probably the dry cleaner. Time was short, and Dad knew it.

My dad loved me. At the very end of his life, when he was in the hospital at only 54 years old, I had a sweet moment with him. I came by the hospital to visit him and my cousin Tommy was in the room. I told my dad that I would come back later. He said “No. Stay”. He took my hand and said these words, “This one. She’s special”. There were other words said but I don’t remember them. That was the last coherent conversation we had, before the morphine took over. It was like I got this final blessing from him.

I look forward to seeing my dad again in heaven. I will end with his favorite verse. I Love you Dad!!!

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
 He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
 He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
 Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

(NASB)

Note:

This was originally posted on my blog on March 30, 2019. An ode to my father on the anniversary of his death. It’s a story of forgiveness. I pray if you need to forgive someone, especially your father, that today you would choose to forgive. Jesus forgives us, and we are to forgive others as well.

To all the dads, thanks for what you do. We need you.

Love you all,

Meghan

Published by meghanewhite

27 thoughts on “I Love You Dad”

  1. Such a great tribute! I have started trying to learn to accept the person that my daddy was since he really didn’t show any emotion and that was okay growing up since I didn’t care because he showed me in actions and that was his quote; however his later years weren’t great since he just didn’t handle momma’s death well and his Parkinson’s advanced so, whenever he died I said well actually the person I knew left along time ago! Just recently after reading “Untangle your emotions” have I started thinking about him and realized that he was the way he was in the end because he was trying to fix, replace, or process everything and whenever he realized he couldn’t do it then gradually he just started giving up on life! I don’t think he couldn’t understand that I wasn’t a little girl and if he wouldn’t let me help him then I was going to live my life! The last thing I remember him doing was waving bye to all of us through the window at the nursing home around the first of September in 2020! So, I tried to focus on the positive memories and didn’t think about the full picture until recently because like you said you don’t want to think about your parents or Dad’s being human! I just realized that I told you about story whenever I was started talking about how moving your tribute was so sorry, just another thing I do whenever I get triggered and this month different things have made me triggered and thought more about him!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thank you, Karen, for sharing some of your memories about your father. It sounds like the book you read has been helpful. Parent and child relationships can be quite complicated. May God bless you with peace and comfort.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      1. Thank you, I think the main takeaway that I have been considering is that yes our relationship was always complicated since I was the baby of the family and he was around 40 whenever I was born so, I didn’t worry about a relationship whenever I was little, but as I grew up I never really had the close relationship that most daughters have with their fathers and always wondered why until I read the book and realized what I wanted wasn’t anything that he was capable of giving me so I just have to think about the good memories growing up now and get what I want from the ultimate father!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. What a touching, beautiful and amazing story sister Meghan! I rejoice with you that your father is a child of God and in heaven!!! So thankful he was justified, declared righteous in God’s sight. Grateful for God the Holy Spirit’s sanctifying work in his life…being conformed to the image of the Lord Jesus Christ and for the wonderful reconciliation between both of you. Now he is in the glory where we will all be someday in the future. God bless you sister Meghan! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. My dad didn’t have a drinking problem, but he had other problems; he was angry all the time and not fun to be around. He has been dead for a while but I still have bad dreams about him. Much prayer is needed for that. He became a Christian late in life but everything didn’t all get resolved since he died. The dreams keep coming.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. A touching tribute to your dad. Forgiveness is freeing but not easy. Thankful the Lord helps us with that. It enabled you to see your dad beyond what he struggled with. And it is so true that when we are saved, it automatically does not free us from our struggles but the Lord will give us the strength to overcome

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment