Faith, grief, Trials, Uncategorized

I Hate Goodbyes

meghanewhite

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The last day of 2019 was Mom’s last day on Earth. Even though we knew it was coming, it still really hurts. No matter what, you’re just not ready to say goodbye. I wasn’t, that’s for sure. Selfishly, I wanted more time. Come on Lord, give her a few more years. Then I don’t have to deal with that pain quite yet. Yet, here I am grieving. Not ready for it. Who is ever prepared to grieve?

I have peace. That’s the funny part. I have complete peace of where my mom is, heaven. Mom loved Jesus and knew Him as her Savior and Lord. She is not suffering anymore. That makes me so happy! Mom spent most of her life sick. She is now free of all pain and suffering. She wasn’t big on complaining, so most people would never know just how much illness and disease she dealt with. And, she always looked incredible, not like a sick person.

If I had my way, we would skip off to eternity together, holding hands. Young and old. No one would leave this earth until we all went home to Jesus, together. That’s not how it works. We were made for heaven. This is just the temporary part. We can easily lose sight of that and think that this life is it. When our loved ones die, it is a reminder that there’s more. We miss them, long to be where they are.

But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20 

It’s bittersweet. Mom is gone, and I will always miss her terribly. But, she is rejoicing with Jesus, with a new disease free body. No pain. No sorrow. No sin. No evil. And Jesus is there, waiting for all of us who said yes to Him.

My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? John 14:2

So Mom, I love you and miss you, but I’m happy for you. The life you lived was filled with many struggles, but many triumphs as well. The glass was half full to you. There was always a fight in you. Resilience was your middle name. God knew you needed that quality, and it served you well. I hope I picked up a tiny bit of that fighting spirit.

When Mom was down to her final moments I asked her husband to hold the phone to her ear. I felt so strongly I needed to say goodbye. I can’t explain it, just a strong feeling that I needed to do this. I love you. I pray for peace. Goodbye Mom. She didn’t respond. No movement. Her eyes were shut. I believe she heard me. Minutes later she passed away.

We are now preparing for Mom’s memorial. Though difficult, it’s a blessing too. So many loved my mom. She touched many lives in her 76 years. Well done Mom. You did it. Now dance with Jesus.

I won’t say goodbye. See you soon Mom! I love you.

 

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The beginning for Mom and me. She was pregnant with me in this picture.

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This picture was taken at least 25 years ago and how I see her. Healthy and beautiful.

Dorothea Louise 

October 19, 1943 ~ December 31, 2019

Love you Mom ❤

Published by meghanewhite

18 thoughts on “I Hate Goodbyes”

  2. When my mom passed I was heartbroken yet underneath felt an amazing joy. I think I was experiencing her joy at being with her Lord. Praying your memories will bring you great comfort in the years ahead.

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    1. I feel the same, Onisha. It’s bittersweet. I am so happy for my mom to be in the presence of Jesus and to be free from pain and suffering. I will always miss her until we meet again. Thank you for your kindness. 😊

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  3. A beautiful tribute to your Mom in the midst of your grief. You know the comfort of the Holy Spirit in this acute time and will continue to feel it as the weeks and months move along. As others forget, you still feel the sharp remembrance.

    1Th 4:13 Brothers and sisters, we don’t want you to be ignorant about those who have died. We don’t want you to grieve like other people who have no hope.

    May the Lord wash His presence over you and make you more keenly aware of His love and blessings, Meghan.

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      1. Of course. I remember when you were there for mine. All my love and sympathies. I pray each day gets a little easier. ❤

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  5. I am so sorry for your loss & the pain it causes. I will miss reading her comments here on your blog. I love what you wrote and the pictures. Thank you for sharing. Praying for you and your family. ❤

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    1. Thank you Wendy! I will miss her comments too. She faithfully left a comment on every blog post up until about 6 months ago. I’m so glad to have her words. Thank you for the prayers. 💜

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  6. Please let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your mother. It is a loss because you will not be able to see her again until you are both in the Lord’s Presence. I lost my mother two days after my fifty-second birthday. She had Lou Gehrig’s disease; I saw her draw her last breath. The comfort that we have that is the most comforting to me is found in 2 Cor 5:8; it makes it more clear, that when we are absent from our body, we are in the Presence of God. During our lifetime, after our new birth, the indwelling Spirit of God (Father, Son, Holy Spirit) has given us the comfort that Christ expressed to His disciples. When death comes, our body is separated from our Spirit, as well as from our Soul…which is our consciousness, emotions, and mind…In death, the soul of the believer is aware of his or her being in the immediate Presence of God. In Luke 16, Lazarus had that same awareness and comfort, while the rich man had the awareness of being in death and in torment. Your mother’s spirit and soul are awaiting their union with her resurrected and perfected body at the time that Christ catches up “the dead in Christ,” and “we who are alive,” at the time of the rapture. With all of that having been said, I miss my mother greatly; my father is also dead, as well as my younger brother of four years. The grieving process was given to us by God as a healing process. The strongest experience of grieving will last until it has fulfilled its purpose. But, we will never lose the pain that comes from the loss of a loved one. I have often said that, “if it doesn’t hurt when we lose somebody, there is something terribly wrong.” I will pray for your healing and comfort, and will continue……..

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    1. I am so sorry about your mom. That’s tragic. Thank God she’s at peace. We used that verse, 2 Corinthians 5:8 on the handout we created for Mom’s memorial. It’s so hard when our loved ones leave the earth. We will always miss them, but look forward to that great reunion for those of us in Christ. My dad died 22 years ago. I miss them both, but I’m grateful. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a heartfelt comment. I appreciate that. Thanks friend.

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  7. Reblogged this on Meghan E White and commented:

    Today is the one year anniversary of my mom’s death. The moment I found out she had left this earth, it took my breath away. It hurt, and was very difficult. It’s the bitter and the sweet. She was no longer suffering and in the arms of Jesus, but she left all of us. We have to go on without her until we meet again in heaven. I look forward to that day.

    Thank you God for making Heaven. And thank you for Mom.

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